Saturday, August 6, 2011

How to know your settling for less.....than butterflies

There's one thing to have extremely high expectations that no one can meet and having no expectations! 

1. If the man is unemployed

I know because of the economy there are exceptions to this rule; does the person have true potential? Did they get laid off and are actively seeking employment? Are they enrolled in school? If so then cut him some slack. If he's just coasting through life, constantly complaining about being unemployed but sending out maybe two or three resumes a week give it up! In this economy; there is no way a serious minded person seeking employment will only send out two or three resumes. What are they doing with the rest of their time? Speaking of potential, there is one thing when you believe they have potential and another thing when he believes he has it! You can be his cheerleader, his support when he's down but you can not be his mother! Too many times as women we mix our roles and end up mothering a man and that is a big, big, no no!  A man needs to be a man and if your dating someone who is making very little effort, then this is a character flaw and he'll just be holding you back from your true, God given potential!

2. Children with various mothers.

I can understand one or two different mothers; but four, five etc. that's just asking for trouble. A man who  has children with a lot of different women is a careless man who really has proven he has no self control. Leave him alone! He goes where ever the wind blows!

3. A man who lives with his mother.

Again, I'll actually cut slack depending on the situation. Did he recently relocate back to his home town for a job and is staying there temporarily? Did he lose his job because of the economy and held on to his place until he couldn't make it any more? I would say he may have potential but if he's content with living with mommy and he's over the age of 30 then leave him alone. If he doesn't desire his own space and is only willing to move in with you then he's not being a man. A man should desire his OWN space whether a woman is there or not!

4. Family/Friends you truly trust are concerned

Seriously, if the people in your life you trust the most think your settling then you likely are. Sometimes we just have to listen to other peoples advice. I was once told, "God don't bless no mess!!" This is very true! If your having doubts its there for a reason. God won't bless your relationship when he has someone better out there for you. Do you want second, third or more than likely 100th best or the very best God has for you?

5. ALL his friends are single

It's one thing to have a friend or two that's single but if all his friends are that shows a real lack of maturity especially if their over 35! Seriously, a marriage minded man should have married friends or marriage minded friends. If their single still wanting to hang out at the club every weekend; that's a red flag!

6. His values don't align with yours

I think to have a successful relationship you should have similar values. For example, you both want to be financially stable and are working towards that goal.

As women we spend way too much time, energy and tears on men who we know in our hearts are not right for us. Sometimes we're afraid of being alone, not wanting to be the only one without a significant other or worried that he is the last guy we'll ever meet. Being in a relationship because your scared is no relationship at all. Just like you met him you'll meet someone else.

For all the single mothers, lets show our children we don't have to be with a man who is unworthy of our love. Our children need to see confident, secure mothers who know their self worth, who refuse to settle for anything less.

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